The Mint R2R Sausage Squad
Heads of Security
I often see cute photos on LinkedIn of “new furry team members” at such-and-such a recruitment company… And we all release a collective “Aaawwwwww!”
I can’t relate.
Let me introduce you to the two feral, pain-in-the-backside “furry team members” I share my workspace with every day.
Bertie & Bruno, take a bow (wow).
Cute, they may be. But they are a colossal nightmare from dawn till dusk. They both yap, uncontrollably, at off-the-scale decibels at every single bird, car, person, dog who comes within 500 metres of the house…
(FYI: A “yap” is very different to a “bark”. A yap can actually split your eardrums!)
They cry at my feet all day long, and then when I try and pick them up to comfort them, they urinate everywhere. (Apparently it’s a sign of affection!)
I spend most of my day running off to a quieter corner of the house so their incessant barking doesn’t interrupt my call and make me look like an unprofessional crazy dog person. (Which I clearly am!)
And to top it off, they do absolutely nothing for the ultra-macho, silverback gorilla, alpha-Recruiter image I’m trying to exude on LinkedIn. 🦍
They are totally untrainable, and I wish I’d stopped at just 2 kids, and not 2 kids + 2 mental sausage dogs.
I’ll take any sensible offers for them.
In fact, I’ll pay you to take them off my hands.
I’ll even throw in some expensive gastrointestinal dog food, because, heaven forbid they should eat normal dog food, like normal dogs. 😡